Discernment Counselling Australia

Short, structured counselling for couples on the brink of divorce. Up to five sessions, online anywhere in Australia or in person in Clarkson, WA.

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Call (08) 9300 9496
Two rings on the table stacked on top of each other.

For Couples on the Brink of Divorce

When one partner is considering divorce and the other wants to work on the marriage, regular couples therapy rarely works. The Beach Haven is one of the only practices offering Discernment Counselling in Australia, providing couples a space to work through difficult relationship decisions with clarity.

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Welcome.

If you’re reading this, you may be somewhere very uncomfortable: one of you is thinking about leaving the relationship, the other is hoping to stay, and neither of you knows what to do next.

Discernment counselling Australia offers a short, focused process (maximum of 5 sessions) designed for exactly that moment. It isn’t couples therapy. The goal is not to solve your marriage problems, but to see if they are solvable.

I’m Tracy Rattray, one of the few certified discernment counsellors in Australia.

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Soft couch and cushions at The Beach Haven counselling, creating a safe space for discernment counselling Australia

Unsure whether to stay married or walk away?

Tracy Rattray, counsellor, at The Beach Haven in Clarkson
Calm counselling room featuring minimal design with natural elements for a peaceful atmosphere, to support healing at the Beach Haven counselling in clarkson.
One Person is Leaning in, the other is leaning out

Is Discernment Counselling right for you?

If you recognise your situation here, you are not failing. You’re at a crossroads, and it’s brave to take the time to understand what went wrong and seek help to see your options clearly.

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One of you is considering divorce.

One partner is “leaning out” and unsure whether couples therapy would help. They are considering divorce but haven’t made the final decision yet.

One of you wants to save the marriage.

One partner is “leaning in” and hoping to save the marriage. They are ready to do the work to save the relationship

You want to feel confident in the decision.

You don’t want to rush into divorce, nor do you want to drift for another year. You want to understand what went wrong before deciding what comes next.

What it is, and what it isn’t.

Discernment Counselling,
Australia.

Discernment Counselling is a short-term process, usually no more than 5 sessions, for couples that are uncertain about the future of their relationship. We don’t try to solve your problems in this time. We help you understand how you got here, what each of you contributes to the relationship patterns and what you want for the future, so you can make a decision with clarity and confidence.

Soft couch with pillows in The Beach Haven's counselling rooms in clarkson, decorated with framed picture of beach and sea hanging on white wall

Couples Counselling

  • Goal is to improve the relationship.
  • Both partners are committed to working on the relationship.
  • Often lasts several months.
  • Focuses on changing patterns and rebuilding connection.

Discernment Counselling

  • Goal is clarity about staying together.
  • One partner wants to work on the marriage, the other is unsure.
  • Short term. 1 – 5 Sessions only.
  • Focuses on understand what happened and how to move forward.
a direction for your marriage

The Three Paths of Discernment Counselling.

At the end of the discernment counselling process, you’ll choose one of three directions. There is no wrong answer, just a decision on what comes next.

Keep things as they are

A couple decides to pause and maintain the status quo, deferring a decision until a future date. Couples may reach this decision after considering other factors that may be impacting the ability to make a decision.

Separate or divorce

Deciding to bring a respectful and clear end to the marriage. This path brings closure to the uncertainty, allowing both individuals to safely transition and begin focusing on navigating their separate paths.

Commit to couples therapy

Committing to couples counselling. We recommend allowing a period of around 6-months of therapy where divorce is off the table and both partners agree to bring their energy to changing old relationship patterns.

The Discernment Counselling Process

What happens during discernment counselling

Sessions are generally between 1.5 hours and 2 hours long. Both partners will need to be available for the full two hours, although the counsellor will spend time individually with each spouse during this time. There are a maximum of five sessions in the discernment counselling process.

the 2- hour session framework

First 30 – 40 Minutes
Joint session with both partners
We start together and discuss what has happened in the relationship to get to the point where divorce is a possibility.
Next 30 – 40 Minutes
Individual time with partner One
Tracy will spend individual time with Partner One, learning more about relationship patterns and working through the decision.
10 minutes debrief
Partner 1 Debrief
Partner One shares a debrief with Partner Two, including anything they have learnt, and whether they have reached a decision.
Next 30 – 40 minutes
Individual time with partner two
Tracy will spend individual time with Partner Two, learning more about relationship patterns and working through the decision.
10 Minute Debrief
Partner 2 Debrief and Close
Partner Two shares a debrief with Partner One, including anything they have learnt, and whether they have reached a decision.
Discernment counselling

Who it isn’t for.

Discernment Counselling, Australia, is not suitable if there is family violence, coercive control or one of you feels afraid of the other. Separate, safety-focused support is the right first step. 1800RESPECT is free and available 24 hours a day on 1800 737 731

Your Counsellor

Why work with Tracy at The Beach Haven.

Tracy is a certified discernment counsellor, one of the few in Australia trained by The Doherty Relationship Institute. She also works with couples using Emotionally Focused Therapy and has specialised training in grief, which matters because the decision to stay or go often carries real loss either way.

Tracy holds a B.A. (Hons) in Psychology and a Masters in Counselling, is an ACA Registered Counsellor (Reg. 29093), and has more than two decades of experience.

Tracy Rattray, certified discernment counsellor, at The Beach Haven in Clarkson
Aerial view of a plane wing amidst fluffy clouds during FIFO flight in Australia

In-person Counselling

We are located at Unit 4/9 Caloundra Road, Clarkson WA 6030, directly behind Bunnings Mindarie.

Our office is a short drive from Yanchep, Alkimos, Butler, Quinns Rocks, Mindarie, Burns Beach, Joondalup, Wanneroo and Carramar.

A man participates in an online discernment counselling session from his home.

Online Australia-wide

Discernment counselling works well online, meaning you can join from anywhere in Australia. You’ll need a quiet space and internet connection.

If you are in Perth you are welcome to do sessions online or from our counselling rooms in Clarkson.

Available across Australia

Can we do discernment counselling in Australia online?

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Common questions about discernment counselling in Australia

Discernment counselling lasts between 1 and 5 sessions. On average most couples take 3 to 4 sessions to reach a decision, however this varies based on a variety of factors. Each partner individually decides if they want to continue discernment counselling or if they have reached a decision.

In order to be effective, both partners need to be willing to participate in the discernment process. If your partner is not willing to participate in the process but you would still like a safe space to talk through your options, you are welcome to book individual counselling – we would be happy to support you to explore your options.

It isn’t designed to. The aim is clarity. Some couples choose to rebuild, some choose to separate, and some decide to wait. Any of these can be a good outcome if it’s a decision you both understand.

If you choose path 2 – to pursue separation and divorce, we help you to end things as respectfully as possible. If you’d like ongoing support afterwards, see counselling after separation for more information about how the counsellors at The Beach Haven can support you.

If you choose path 3 – to work on the relationship, we can refer you into couples counselling, either with a counsellor at The Beach Haven, or with a local couples counsellor in your area.

Yes, discernment counselling is a good option when either partner is unsure whether they want to separate or work on their relationship in the aftermath of an affair. Discernment counselling offers a safe space for both partners to work through the immense tangle of emotions that accompanies an affair and provides both partners the opportunity to gain clarity on the future of their marriage.

No. The Family Court of Western Australia strictly requires a 12-month separation period before you can file for divorce, and counselling cannot bypass this.

However, discernment counselling during this time can help you avoid costly legal delays later by fostering an amicable, clear-headed path forward if you do choose to separate.

Yes. Navigating a “separation under one roof” in Western Australia comes with unique legal and emotional challenges.  

The Family Court requires extra evidence to prove you were genuinely leading separate lives during those 12-months. 

Documenting that you engaged in Discernment Counselling could provide supplemental evidence of your relationship status during this time.

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You don’t have to decide alone

If you’re not sure whether to stay, you’re not the only one. Discernment Counselling, Australia, offers a short, structured process can help you see your options clearly before you make a decision you can’t undo.

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Disclaimer:  I am a specialised Discernment Counsellor, not a family law attorney.  The information on this website explains how counselling processes interact with relationship timelines in Western Australia.  It does not constitute formal legal advice.  Please consult a qualified Western Australian family lawyer regarding your specific legal situation.