FOR COUPLES ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE
When one partner is ready to walk away and the other wants to work on the marriage, regular couples therapy isn’t always the right first step. Discernment Counselling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.
To Stay Married or Divorce
Discernment Counselling
Discernment Counselling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship, and not sure that regular marriage counselling would help, and the other is “leaning in” – that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
Discernment Counselling is a short-term process (not more than 5 sessions). In these sessions the counsellor will help you work through the decision on whether to try and restore your marriage, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction for your marriage, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment.
How We Can Help
Slow Down
When emotions are running high and a life-changing decision looms, discernment counselling creates space to pause, breathe, and think more clearly before choosing a path.
Gain Clarity
Each of you will have one-to-one time with the counsellor as well as time together. Because right now, you’re starting from very different places — and that matters.
Move Forward
Whether you choose to work on the marriage, move toward separation, or take more time, the goal is a decision grounded in understanding — not fear, pressure, or exhaustion.
Tracy Rattray - Your Discernment Therapist
When a relationship reaches this point, the emotions in the room are rarely simple — and they’re rarely the same for both people.
One of you may be grieving a marriage you’re not ready to let go of. The other may be carrying the weight of a decision you’ve been sitting with for a long time. Both experiences are real, both deserve to be held with care, and both are welcome here.
I trained in Discernment Counselling through the Doherty Relationship Institute — the originating body of this approach. I bring to my work both specialist training and a calm ability to understand the emotional complexity that sits beneath the question of whether to stay or go.
My role is not to guide you toward any particular outcome. It is to create a space where you both feel heard and help you each arrive at a place of clarity that allows you to move forward
I work in-person in Joondalup and online with clients across Australia, including those in remote and regional areas.
Discernment counselling may be right for you if:
Note: Discernment Counselling is not suited to situations where:
TRADITIONAL COUPLES THERAPY
Discernment counselling is designed for a very specific moment — when one spouse is considering divorce and the other wants to work on the marriage. If you and your partner are both committed to working on your relationship, Traditional Couples Therapy is the right starting point for you.
At The Beach Haven, we offer evidence-based couples therapy using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method techniques — helping couples break conflict cycles, rebuild trust, improve communication, and strengthen their connection.
The "Leaning Out / Leaning In" Dynamic
In discernment counselling, we recognise something that most couples therapy doesn’t — that right now, you and your partner are not in the same place.
One of you is leaning out, uncertain the marriage can work, possibly already grieving it. One of you is leaning in — still hoping, still wanting to try.
That gap is real, and trying to do regular couples therapy across it rarely works. Discernment counselling meets you where each of you actually is.
Discernment counselling is a short, structured process — a maximum of five sessions. You come in as a couple, but a significant portion of each session is spent one-to-one with the counsellor.
First Session
We’ll explore what’s brought you to this point, hear from each of you individually, and begin to understand the patterns and history of the relationship.
Subsequent Sessions
We go deeper, including exploring your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.
Final Session
Greater clarity and confidence in deciding whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
How is discernment counselling different from couples therapy?
Discernment counselling is for when that’s not yet decided. The goal isn’t to solve your problems — it’s to figure out whether they’re solvable, and whether you both want to try.
Will discernment counselling speed up or bypass the 12-month separation rule in WA?
No. The Family Court of Western Australia strictly requires a 12-month separation period before you can file for divorce, and counselling cannot bypass this.
However, discernment counselling during this time can help you avoid costly legal delays later by fostering an amicable, clear-headed path forward if you do choose to separate.
What if I'm the one who wants to leave — will I be pressured to stay?
No. The counsellor will respect your reasons for considering divorce while also creating space to look at the possibilities. There is no agenda to save the marriage — only to help you reach a clear, considered decision
What if my partner won't come?
Discernment counselling is only suited to couples where both partners agree to join the therapy, and where the idea of divorce has already been raised as a possibility
We are separated but still living together. Can discernment counselling help us?
Yes. Navigating a “separation under one roof” in Western Australia comes with unique legal and emotional challenges.
The Family Court requires extra evidence to prove you were genuinely leading separate lives during those 12-months.
Documenting that you engaged in Discernment Counselling could provide supplemental evidence of your relationship status during this time.
What happens after discernment counselling?
If you decide to work on the marriage, we can move into couples therapy from a much clearer starting point. If you decide to separate, counselling can help you navigate that transition with greater understanding and resilience.
How long are the sessions?
Disclaimer: I am a specialised Discernment Counsellor, not a family law attorney. The information on this website explains how counselling processes interact with relationship timelines in Western Australia. It does not constitute formal legal advice. Please consult a qualified Western Australian family lawyer regarding your specific legal situation.
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